okayso. my mum says i have lost too much weight. and i tell her i can't help it. being stressed and sick and kindasortadepressed does that to me. so my dad made me tacos for dinner cus he knows i really like that. but i couldn't taste anything because of the flu. i'm sorry, but i really don't want food at all nowadays. i'm really hungry, but when i eat i just get sick and feel awful. so. they talk about me with low voices and think i can't hear them. . .. i don't like that much.
anyway. i got a letter today. from this school i kinda really wanna go to. photojournalism. but i have to show them i am qualified. and they sent. like. three pages. of instructions. and. gah. basically they scared the hell out of me, and i'm so sure they will never let me in. cus i'm not a schooled photographer. i don't know all the technical stuff. i just.. take pics. and that's it. i'm still gonna try though, but...
it's really depressing. knowing that i have almost no chance to get in. and if/when i don't . .. . i'll have to go yet another year on my current school. the overrated one. hah. i want to get away from there. but it looks like it's gonna be hard. cus the schools i wanna go to are either expensive private schools, or they have stupid rules and tests that i fail.
i want to become something. i want to reach out my hand and say "hello, i am ____", and replace that empty line with an occupation. a skill. but .. gah.
. .. i don't expect things to be easy (they've never been, so if something comes too easily, i just get all suspicious..), but why does it have to be so goddamn difficult (impossible)?!